I was in Australia when this happened, but a young man named Nathan died before age 18 after playing a football game. His parents started an organisation to provide Bibles for those who need one because the Bible was such an intergral part of his life. "The Nathan Project" is actually a challenge to read the Bible every day for a year and talk about it in a group.
I am going to do this challenge while in Nepal. However, meeting in a group may get a little tricky so my "group" to talk about what I am reading will be this blog. Well, as much as I will be able to post with third world dial up speed internet and uncertain access! Also, I will be in Nepal for 2 years so I may take the time to go slower through the Bible. We shall see, but I do want to make sure I am relying on God and not my ownself.
I had been reading current volunteers blogs on occasion, but I have decided to stop because they have become more depressing. I know I will have points in my life while there that will be as low as they have felt at the time of posting, but considering the fact that I'm already near that point myself? Probably not a good idea to surround myself with more of it!
I do not want to come in with any expectations or imaginings. My experiences in Australia really benefited from that, I believe. There were no disappointments and I rolled with anything. My focus now just needs to not be on what is going on around me, but on Jesus as the time for me to leave creeps up.
40 more days!
One of my favourite authors, Robin Jones Gunn, recently came out with a book beginning a continuation series of past novels. Basically, she has a young adult series and it progresses to adult, etc. but you can read one series ie. The College Years and not be lost if you haven't read the past novels.
This new series is the married years of Todd and Christy Spencer and I've been so excited about this! Without giving away spoilers, lets just say that the truths I will be taking away from it will certainly be ones I will be using while in Nepal. They are what are in the forefront of my mind as I think about what challenges I will face.
I've been reading more current PCV Nepal blogs and I've discovered I really shouldn't... I'm stopping myself from really freaking out, but apparently we will have language proficiency tests to do prior to being sworn in as a PCV! This definitely makes sense because you certainly can't be successful without a semi-decent proficiency in language, but it still is causing me to freak out because while I've attempted to learn other languages before - success is not something I've accomplished. However, I also haven't spent a fair amount of time on learning them and been in full immersion!
Also, I've learned that there is a possibility of a family member coming to visit you when you are sworn in as a volunteer. :) Don't know how that works out, but it is a nice idea!
As my mind begins to go to freak out mode from what I have read, these next few verses come to me in response. I need to keep in mind these Scriptures for the next journey where God is taking me.
Joshua 1:9 - Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified and do not be discouraged for the Lord our God will be with you wherever you go.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I got an opportunity to talk with a friend of mine that has heard me verbal process through God's direction to the Peace Corps. She was actually the one that helped me when I was confused after my interview and being given options to choose between nomination places.
See, in my interview, I had said that the job I did was the most important, then place, and timing. When I was given the choice between being nominated for Nepal or Fiji...Fiji was the one that I liked the job more over Nepal, but I wanted to choose Nepal because it was a place I had been wanting to go for 8 years (as well as Russia, though I hadn't really talked about wanting to go to Nepal). Long story short, I felt at one time I was going to Nepal, but it was not God's timing. Russia is the country I have a heart for.
My friend walked me through a few questions that I don't really remember or the conclusion except that ultimately, I wanted to go to serve people and that I'd be happy wherever I was placed because I would be serving others. Just because I had a preference of place over the job at the time did not mean that I still would prefer place over the job. I don't know if that even made sense, but in essence - my friend helped me reconcile my confusion.
This time, she helped me to see that my past annoyances with people talking about how I was "marching to my own drumbeat" and "been wanting to do this for a long time". God has a calling on my life that is taking me to do things that do not seem normal for others. It is not necessarily because others do not see the hand of God directing my paths, but that it is not something they may be able to understand because God may not have called them to go. Again, I don't know if this makes sense, but once again I am more reconciled to it. However, I still DO plan on posting a status on Facebook to inform people that I am following God's will for my life and not my own.
I have gone through many seasons in my life. YWAM, I knew I was supposed to go. Afterwards? I knew God had told me to stay in KS despite my desire to go so I did. Time went on and I began to truly appreciate where I was in my life and thankful I was in KS. Not much later, I felt God release me to go. It BLEW my mind that it was finally time, but I went to Australia. I came back and took a year to myself. I was led to go back to school and finally complete my degree. Now? I'm being told to go again.
These past few years being back, God has been preparing me for such a time as this. This next stage of my life? All my love and overflowing preparation will be released and I can finally completely focus on my purpose in life - to love others!
I need to figure out why I cringe when I hear "You've wanted this a long time"...
I take that back, I DO know why...
I seem to have made it appear that this is something I wanted to do, which it is - but first and foremost I have wanted to do God's will. I talked about it because I felt it was the direction that He was leading, but it seems that either I didn't convey it that well or others focused on how I talked about the Peace Corps rather than how I said I felt it was where God was leading me.
I'm sure people don't think that I am going just because I want to. Well, maybe some do but the ones that understand seeking God's will hopefully know that I have searched for His will and am following His direction.
It bothers me because I don't want this opportunity to be seen as something I wanted to do. Yes, I wanted to do it, but this was after a heart change from God. If He had led me somewhere else -I would have gone THAT direction rather than the Peace Corps.
For the past couple weeks, I thought I had been doing better until I began talking about my friend's death and tears occurred. A couple days later, in class we talked briefly on what to do in student death and tears just kept coming. I set up appointments to talk with people, but it wasn't until I talked with my pastor that he was able to put words to what I have been feeling.
I have a tender heart and love people.
Since I have been in school and unable to work much - I have not been able to share my love for people through service (as that is primarily how I show others love).
My heart has been full for sometime and it has been frustrating for me with my constraints that I am unable to share my heart in service. This will change soon, but just knowing why I have been so emotional has helped very much.
This time in my life, I am in preparation. My full heart is anticipating when it can be released like a runner prepping for a race. :-D I can feel my spirit welling up within me as I type this! lol There will be a time when my race will start (not that it hasn't already, but a stage of my race rather) and when that signal goes off - I will be able to expel my heart and share the love of Christ that is in my heart for people!
I do think I will end up doing the Peace Corps. While I haven't received something I would call a definite yes...while talking with my pastor, I felt no hesitancy when he stated my doing the Peace Corps. My heart is still open to whatever He has for me if it ends up not being the direction He wants me to go, but in the meantime...I will more than likely be out of the States for 27 months!
