I was in Australia when this happened, but a young man named Nathan died before age 18 after playing a football game. His parents started an organisation to provide Bibles for those who need one because the Bible was such an intergral part of his life. "The Nathan Project" is actually a challenge to read the Bible every day for a year and talk about it in a group.
I am going to do this challenge while in Nepal. However, meeting in a group may get a little tricky so my "group" to talk about what I am reading will be this blog. Well, as much as I will be able to post with third world dial up speed internet and uncertain access! Also, I will be in Nepal for 2 years so I may take the time to go slower through the Bible. We shall see, but I do want to make sure I am relying on God and not my ownself.
I had been reading current volunteers blogs on occasion, but I have decided to stop because they have become more depressing. I know I will have points in my life while there that will be as low as they have felt at the time of posting, but considering the fact that I'm already near that point myself? Probably not a good idea to surround myself with more of it!
I do not want to come in with any expectations or imaginings. My experiences in Australia really benefited from that, I believe. There were no disappointments and I rolled with anything. My focus now just needs to not be on what is going on around me, but on Jesus as the time for me to leave creeps up.
40 more days!
One of my favourite authors, Robin Jones Gunn, recently came out with a book beginning a continuation series of past novels. Basically, she has a young adult series and it progresses to adult, etc. but you can read one series ie. The College Years and not be lost if you haven't read the past novels.
This new series is the married years of Todd and Christy Spencer and I've been so excited about this! Without giving away spoilers, lets just say that the truths I will be taking away from it will certainly be ones I will be using while in Nepal. They are what are in the forefront of my mind as I think about what challenges I will face.
I've been reading more current PCV Nepal blogs and I've discovered I really shouldn't... I'm stopping myself from really freaking out, but apparently we will have language proficiency tests to do prior to being sworn in as a PCV! This definitely makes sense because you certainly can't be successful without a semi-decent proficiency in language, but it still is causing me to freak out because while I've attempted to learn other languages before - success is not something I've accomplished. However, I also haven't spent a fair amount of time on learning them and been in full immersion!
Also, I've learned that there is a possibility of a family member coming to visit you when you are sworn in as a volunteer. :) Don't know how that works out, but it is a nice idea!
As my mind begins to go to freak out mode from what I have read, these next few verses come to me in response. I need to keep in mind these Scriptures for the next journey where God is taking me.
Joshua 1:9 - Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified and do not be discouraged for the Lord our God will be with you wherever you go.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I got an opportunity to talk with a friend of mine that has heard me verbal process through God's direction to the Peace Corps. She was actually the one that helped me when I was confused after my interview and being given options to choose between nomination places.
See, in my interview, I had said that the job I did was the most important, then place, and timing. When I was given the choice between being nominated for Nepal or Fiji...Fiji was the one that I liked the job more over Nepal, but I wanted to choose Nepal because it was a place I had been wanting to go for 8 years (as well as Russia, though I hadn't really talked about wanting to go to Nepal). Long story short, I felt at one time I was going to Nepal, but it was not God's timing. Russia is the country I have a heart for.
My friend walked me through a few questions that I don't really remember or the conclusion except that ultimately, I wanted to go to serve people and that I'd be happy wherever I was placed because I would be serving others. Just because I had a preference of place over the job at the time did not mean that I still would prefer place over the job. I don't know if that even made sense, but in essence - my friend helped me reconcile my confusion.
This time, she helped me to see that my past annoyances with people talking about how I was "marching to my own drumbeat" and "been wanting to do this for a long time". God has a calling on my life that is taking me to do things that do not seem normal for others. It is not necessarily because others do not see the hand of God directing my paths, but that it is not something they may be able to understand because God may not have called them to go. Again, I don't know if this makes sense, but once again I am more reconciled to it. However, I still DO plan on posting a status on Facebook to inform people that I am following God's will for my life and not my own.
I have gone through many seasons in my life. YWAM, I knew I was supposed to go. Afterwards? I knew God had told me to stay in KS despite my desire to go so I did. Time went on and I began to truly appreciate where I was in my life and thankful I was in KS. Not much later, I felt God release me to go. It BLEW my mind that it was finally time, but I went to Australia. I came back and took a year to myself. I was led to go back to school and finally complete my degree. Now? I'm being told to go again.
These past few years being back, God has been preparing me for such a time as this. This next stage of my life? All my love and overflowing preparation will be released and I can finally completely focus on my purpose in life - to love others!
I need to figure out why I cringe when I hear "You've wanted this a long time"...
I take that back, I DO know why...
I seem to have made it appear that this is something I wanted to do, which it is - but first and foremost I have wanted to do God's will. I talked about it because I felt it was the direction that He was leading, but it seems that either I didn't convey it that well or others focused on how I talked about the Peace Corps rather than how I said I felt it was where God was leading me.
I'm sure people don't think that I am going just because I want to. Well, maybe some do but the ones that understand seeking God's will hopefully know that I have searched for His will and am following His direction.
It bothers me because I don't want this opportunity to be seen as something I wanted to do. Yes, I wanted to do it, but this was after a heart change from God. If He had led me somewhere else -I would have gone THAT direction rather than the Peace Corps.
While I haven't posted on this blog in awhile due to my starting one on another site - I had planned on keeping this one so I could express more God things. It is times like these as well that I realize that having this is a good thing for the times I want to verbal process and no one is available.
I was talking with my boss this week and he mentioned something that I semi sort of agreed with, but was too in shock at the time to really wrap my head around it. Apparently, my mom once thought that she didn't know where I would end up until she realized that I marched to my own drumbeat. (She must have mentioned this to him while she was in the hospital.) My boss then proceeded to say I did things my own way, which I do agree with because really...who cares how it gets down as long as it gets done?!
I mentioned to a friend what my mom said about marching to my own drumbeat not too long ago and he agreed that I did. This is what gives me pause and why I semi sort agree with this statement. I am disturbed by it being said because with this whole Peace Corps thing - I have prayed and been seeking God in it. I did not just choose to do this and went for it. Heck, even after God had told me I was choosing the safe option of missions when I was leaning more towards that instead of the Peace Corps...I still had it in my mind that I was going to do missions!
I don't really know what to do about this, but I do know that next time someone says I march to my own drumbeat - I WILL make sure to state that I march to God's drumbeat for my life!
I'm well on my way to paying off my credit cards! Very soon, I'll only need to work overtime for a month and it will be taken care of! Next will be working on my non interest collecting debts like student loans, etc.
The Facebook group has begun a few July, August, and September invites so hopefully this means mine may be right around the corner. Still waiting...
My car died a sad decrypt death, if I haven't already mentioned that...we have a new car that my dad and I are sharing since there's not much of a point in my getting one since I maybe out of the country for 27 months.
School is halfway through. I don't have much to update atm, but I'm REALLY excited about almost completely being out of credit card debt! YEAH!!
I was wanting to type this earlier and had thought about including it in my last post, but didn't want to to be so long so here is another entry!
A good friend of mine and I had lunch a few months ago. She talked about her boyfriend and another friend of ours with his girlfriend. Long story short, the boyfriend had mentioned how appreciative he was that she wanted to look good for him. Our friend had mentioned he would like his girlfriend to look nicer on occasion. My thoughts on this? I'M SCREWED...lol
I don't mind wearing makeup, but it is not something I wear often. Who knows? Maybe if I am in a relationship - I will want to look nicer while going out (although that wasn't the case with my ex, but it wasn't exactly a great relationship anyways). My friend did say she was a little shocked to hear that from the guys in her life 'cause her primary thought was that guys didn't like high maintenance so my eventual guy would probably appreciate my low maintenance. :) I choose to go with that!
All this conversation did make me think, however. There is a fine line between looking nice and looking nice with high maintenance. When I go out of the house, depending on why - I'm typically not trashy looking. I do occasionally go out in pajamas, but that is only for a quick grocery run. Actually going out with friends? I'll dress nice, but the makeup is occasional.
My pastor called me out in church Sunday. To be honest, he caught me as I was trying not to fall asleep so I'm not entirely positive I nodded in agreement correctly and heard him... However, I think he said something along the lines of how I'm not chasing after guys, but am still surrounding myself with people - emphasizing we need relationships even if we're single. Whomever God has for me will love me for who I am and find me beautiful whether I am wearing makeup or not!
Of course, I just read a book involving faith. :) I am taking the opportunity to record this so when I get to feeling low - I can remember to put my faith in God because He loves me and not focus on my surroundings and fear.
Romans 8:35, Romans 5:1-5
Well, after a month and a half of waiting - I receive my health sector questionnaire! It was pretty simple and did not involve a question that I thought would be on it. (Have you talked with RPCVs, etc.) I appreciate that because I have not talked in depth with or read about them cause I want my own experiences. It is good to learn so I was open to asking others what was their hardest thing, how did they cope, etc. I just haven't done that yet.
I sent it in the same day I received it as well as other documents that it requested. The FPCV group has said receiving an invitation varied from 1 day to 3 months after the questionnaire. Of course, I'm hoping for it sooner but it still could be not until May that I hear anything because that is the latest they can. Now? Its just more waiting!
My car has died. I'm not going to be getting a new car for myself because I want to get out of debt so it is a bit of a juggling act as my parents and I figure out transportation needs. The weather has been interesting here so it normally wouldn't be much of a problem with my mom not able to drive atm. However, she is beginning to be more active and able now so it will be getting more interesting! Luckily, my parents are probably going to buy another car that is better with city driving so we don't need to keep using our travel van.
I had hoped to pay off 2 credit cards at the end of this month, but it will not happen. However, I am slowly but surely whittling them down and will at least have one of them paid off! In the next couple months, maybe I'll be almost out of credit card debt! I just need to continue going along, working, and doing my best. The end is in sight!
I had to take out more loans to pay for school yesterday. I've just had the opportunity to calculate what that means for my goal to graduate with no debt and it's not pretty.
Essentially, I'll need to work 6 twelve hour shifts in these next 13 weeks to graduate with no debt. With my schedule, that's not going to be possible without ending up working every night. Hopefully, I'll get a bit of taxes back to pay off some to alleviate...we'll see.
It's not the end of the world that I have some student loans left when I graduate, but it's still disappointing and yet another goal I am not making. At least there is still a strong possibility I won't have any credit card debt and will graduate with no debt in interest, right?
Aside from that, still haven't heard from the Peace Corps -however invitations for June are going out so they are still in the process of going through sooner departure dates. Here's hoping I hear something soon!
I got to thinking today about paydays (since one of mine is this Friday) and how many I had left until I graduated. THERE ARE ONLY 9!!!!! Minor freakout moment and calculated how many hours I needed to do to be out of it, which has not changed from working 60 hours/week (not including night differential and overtime) that I had calculated beginning from midDecember. Actually, that does not make much sense - obviously my math is not the greatest...
I'll try and calculate it out again later, but in the meantime - I ONLY HAVE 9 PAYDAYS TO BE OUT OF DEBT!!!! :-P Not many at all... :(
This month will be difficult because I need to somehow pay for school and health insurance, which I do not believe I can make $2500 in 2 weeks. What would that calculate out to, I wonder...? Looks like 15 shifts and that is not possible as I already have missed 2 days and there are only 14 days in 2 weeks, but I will definitely work as much as I can towards that!
After I see how much I have left after throwing some at credit cards, I will probably end up taking out more student loans so school is paid for interest free (for me) and I cannot panic and focus on getting out of credit card debt. This means more student loans that I need to pay off, but it at least allows me to not have to worry about paying interest and not having the money when it is due.
During times like these, I need to trust that Jesus has things under control even though things are coming up extremely fast... :) It is also not going to be the end of the world if I am not able to graduate with no debt like I want to, but I would at least like to make ONE goal that I made last summer!!
