I had to take out more loans to pay for school yesterday. I've just had the opportunity to calculate what that means for my goal to graduate with no debt and it's not pretty.
Essentially, I'll need to work 6 twelve hour shifts in these next 13 weeks to graduate with no debt. With my schedule, that's not going to be possible without ending up working every night. Hopefully, I'll get a bit of taxes back to pay off some to alleviate...we'll see.
It's not the end of the world that I have some student loans left when I graduate, but it's still disappointing and yet another goal I am not making. At least there is still a strong possibility I won't have any credit card debt and will graduate with no debt in interest, right?
Aside from that, still haven't heard from the Peace Corps -however invitations for June are going out so they are still in the process of going through sooner departure dates. Here's hoping I hear something soon!
I got to thinking today about paydays (since one of mine is this Friday) and how many I had left until I graduated. THERE ARE ONLY 9!!!!! Minor freakout moment and calculated how many hours I needed to do to be out of it, which has not changed from working 60 hours/week (not including night differential and overtime) that I had calculated beginning from midDecember. Actually, that does not make much sense - obviously my math is not the greatest...
I'll try and calculate it out again later, but in the meantime - I ONLY HAVE 9 PAYDAYS TO BE OUT OF DEBT!!!! :-P Not many at all... :(
This month will be difficult because I need to somehow pay for school and health insurance, which I do not believe I can make $2500 in 2 weeks. What would that calculate out to, I wonder...? Looks like 15 shifts and that is not possible as I already have missed 2 days and there are only 14 days in 2 weeks, but I will definitely work as much as I can towards that!
After I see how much I have left after throwing some at credit cards, I will probably end up taking out more student loans so school is paid for interest free (for me) and I cannot panic and focus on getting out of credit card debt. This means more student loans that I need to pay off, but it at least allows me to not have to worry about paying interest and not having the money when it is due.
During times like these, I need to trust that Jesus has things under control even though things are coming up extremely fast... :) It is also not going to be the end of the world if I am not able to graduate with no debt like I want to, but I would at least like to make ONE goal that I made last summer!!
I really don't have anything to post or update, but I've got some downtime during rehearsals and began thinking on things. Usually, this is dangerous for me to do because it typically results in becoming pretty down on myself - however this time it didn't for a change!
First of all, someone in the future Peace Corps group received their invitation for August recently so I really need to start disregarding what is being said on that count as it obviously varies! FSO was also mentioned and I hadn't heard of it before so I looked it up. Foreign Service Officer...
I wasn't able to get much information on what it meant beyond consuls, but it definitely seems interesting. It made me realize I really don't have much direction beyond possibly 2 years from now and how completely ok with it I am.
I'm still not out of debt and extra expenses are coming up soon. Yesterday I discovered something I appreciated, but wasn't sure about has probably no longer become viable...lol that's a weird way of putting it, but I honestly couldn't be happier about it!
So much of what is going on with my life should be stressing me out, but it's not. Thank You, Lord! I'm me and I'm good with it. Stephanie, when you read this later and if you're not feeling that - remember this time in rehearsal watching a bunch of talented kids and knowing God has made you how He wants you.
I hope everyone reading this knows how special you are - no matter how inadequate you feel around other people - y'all have things you can do that others cannot. Have a great day!
I forget sometimes how awkward I can get without even trying. Practice for a musical I'm in started today and after learning the guy who was going to play my husband was 20...my reason was well at least you're not jail bait! Luckily, he took it well but sometimes I may just not need to say anything.
I'm waiting to hear from the Peace Corps. Some from the Facebook group have begun saying four months out from your nomination date while others' timelines still show a month to a month and a half after pre clearance you receive contact from Placement.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas and is enjoying this holiday season! I will continue posting updates as I get them and wait. Yeah for my all As this semester and here's to another one, graduation, and no debt!
No recent posts due to focusing on finals and nothing really to update until now!
I recently joined the Future Peace Corps Volunteer group on Facebook. Someone posted that they had been invited to the country and sector at the same month and year as I have been nominated. There may be more positions available at that time...I just do not know. Also, the person mentioned they had submitted their application in April of this year...this makes me think that the process currently takes longer than one year and I possibly will not leave until 2015 if I receive an invitation.
:-D Just as I am typing this, I receive an e-mail!!! I AM FINALLY LEGALLY PRE-CLEARED!!! Someone else in the Placement Office sent me an e-mail about my credit card debt and what I needed to do if I still had it at the time of invitation. I sent them an e-mail letting them know that I would update them as I paid it off.
Now, hopefully soon I will receive a questionnaire involving the Health Sector. They will also apparently ask for updated information.
Previously, I have not wanted to read other peoples' blogs about their Peace Corps experience or look into it because I do not want to have expectations. When I went to Australia, I knew the basic job of what I was going to do, but that was it. I loved not having any preconceived notions, etc.
I still feel the same way, but since it seems like things have not been moving along until just recently - I did decide to look at others' processes to see what to expect. I have discovered how awesome it is to have people going along the same steps that you are as you set out towards a common purpose. As I can, I will probably (if I do end up going) read others' blogs about their experiences as they post them.
One thing I discovered is that a person was nominated for the Health Sector, but was then told that they were not competitive enough for the role. This gives me pause as I do not think I am eligible for anything else - however, I will have 2+ years experience in the health field and have 5 years working in group homes for people with disabilities. I think and hope that this experience will make me competitive!
For the past couple weeks, I thought I had been doing better until I began talking about my friend's death and tears occurred. A couple days later, in class we talked briefly on what to do in student death and tears just kept coming. I set up appointments to talk with people, but it wasn't until I talked with my pastor that he was able to put words to what I have been feeling.
I have a tender heart and love people.
Since I have been in school and unable to work much - I have not been able to share my love for people through service (as that is primarily how I show others love).
My heart has been full for sometime and it has been frustrating for me with my constraints that I am unable to share my heart in service. This will change soon, but just knowing why I have been so emotional has helped very much.
This time in my life, I am in preparation. My full heart is anticipating when it can be released like a runner prepping for a race. :-D I can feel my spirit welling up within me as I type this! lol There will be a time when my race will start (not that it hasn't already, but a stage of my race rather) and when that signal goes off - I will be able to expel my heart and share the love of Christ that is in my heart for people!
I do think I will end up doing the Peace Corps. While I haven't received something I would call a definite yes...while talking with my pastor, I felt no hesitancy when he stated my doing the Peace Corps. My heart is still open to whatever He has for me if it ends up not being the direction He wants me to go, but in the meantime...I will more than likely be out of the States for 27 months!
I have a bunch of things that I should be doing, but I'm not. I'm listening to worship music and thinking/blogging in hopes of finally processing everything whirling around my head. Hopefully it will work 'cause I really do need to start my projects that are due next week.
I have a tender heart.
I have known this.
It is how I am affected when others around me are hurting. It is why I am unable to watch certain amounts of violence involving people hurting people. It is why I do not like doing actions/decisions that hurt others even when not doing/making them will hurt even more. It is why how constructive criticism is said to me matters - I take things close to my heart, regardless if they are directly related to me or not.
As I have gotten older, I have learned to not to take everything personally. Not that I did, but I am better at how I allow things to affect me. Things may still hurt, but I take them like a grain of salt and move on with life. At times, I take things that I want to ponder on some more and put them aside until I have the time to dwell on it. Sunday and today I have realized that there are quite a few things I have put to the side to ponder later and it has become a little full...
In no particular order...
My friend's death. I opted to catch up on sleep instead of going to the memorial service, which with my crying as I am talking about it - I think was a good choice for me. I have not been around the people that knew him well or directly talked with them and my heart is still aching. Can you imagine how my empathy would be if I were actually with them instead of seeing their thoughts on Facebook?!
At church, the speaker talked on how the person who led him to Christ died at a young age when they were both in the church pastoral ministry. He stated that he still did not understand why it was his friend and not himself. Now, I DO NOT have a death wish and I do know that I am a gem (at least, most days...lol). However, I take a look at my life and do not see how I have impacted people or shared my belief in Christ with others. I wonder why I am not the one gone when my friend was actually doing that.
Yes, I do know that Jesus has a plan for my life and that God had a plan for my friend and it may or may not have included him dying when he did. I'm sure that Jesus has used me to impact peoples' lives that I will never know. I guess what I am questioning is why he would go when he was actually sharing his belief in Christ and I'm not sure I have been. I say I have a heart for missions, but have not led anyone to Jesus with words. Who knows, maybe my servant's heart and letting Jesus flow through me while I am serving has, but I just don't know. I can start doing this, but in job settings and such - there is a line that you need to be careful of and am unsure how to not cross it...hence my feeling that I need to ponder this.
My "soothe the hurting world" complex. It hurts my heart that there are people hurting. Hearing about the devastation of the Philippines and the lives lost... My friend's baby who is in a coma from an interrupted SIDs...Someone from my church has a baby undergoing open heart surgery...Someone from my home group is going through cancer treatment... I have this desire to love on others and let them know they are not alone - and have no idea how to go about doing this.
Debt and money issues - I HATE being in debt. I am picking up hours and calling to work as I am able, but I have hardly made a dent in it despite watching how much I am spending on things not necessary. I have a few things coming up that I need to pay for as well in addition to my debt, which is becoming overwhelming if I dwell on it too much. I still feel like I am able to take care of it all, but I do not have much time to work/solve the problem now (not that it needs to be, but would be helpful) and it is frustrating. It also does not help when people express how much I need to do when I am already overwhelmed. I wish people would instead encourage and believe in me.
Peace Corps - I have come to the decision that I cannot make any decisions until I am told something differently from Jesus, which may not be communicated until May or June. I am ok with this...its just the dissidence that I have recently received, mostly involving my conversation with a friend last week that I have not taken the time to process yet, which is the next topic.
Relationships - This friend mentioned the time frame that I have not been interested in beginning a romantic relationship. Maybe I do not really have to think on it because I do not feel there has been one that occurred that I should have been open to, but he expressed concern that if it happened - I still would not be open to it. I don't know, I mean...I think I would be open to it, but at the same time maybe I wouldn't because of the direction it looks like my life is going. Honestly, it really shouldn't be an issue I think, but it is because I do want to be sure that I am open to what God has for me.
The bottom line is that it bothers me that someone thinks I am being closed to something that God may or may not have for me at this moment.
Above all else, I want to follow God's lead - wherever that is. If that means staying where I am, I'll do that even though it is not my first choice. Ultimately, my heart wants to please Jesus and my greatest fear is that I am not doing that or going down the right path.
